Well, it's been a few weeks now and some things have changed.
I'm moving on September 9, 2006 instead of October 28, 2006. I just didn't see any reason to stay for 6 weeks and have nothing to do. I'm going to the Temple on September 2, 2006 with Dad, Gail, Christine, Jeanette, Brad, Joel and maybe a few others. I'm so excited to finally be here in this place of peace with myself and my actions. I have written Riley a letter and one for Dave - Mailed them Today.
I'm going to visit Kyra on Saturday with Christine - I'm expecting a lot of hard questions from her. I will try to explain why I can't be the full time Mother she wants me to be and maybe give her some closure. I want her to happy with the family she's got because they're great and Erin is a wonderful mother and she needs to let her be that with her.
I feel good about my decisions and where I am now compared to where I was even a few weeks ago. I feel like I've finally made the commitment to keep getting better and progressing forwards instead off falling back so far that I need to start over.
It's interesting, I've had an epiphany of sorts - every time I'm feelings down and unworthy -- it's not me creating those feelings -- it's Satan and his team. He is trying so hard to keep me from where I need to be and he knows how to make me feel in order to succeed in his goals.
I hope I remember this the next time I have those feelings.