I've been missing my Dad

The last couple of days, he's been on my mind pretty consistantly, maybe because I've been blogging about my past.

Any way, I was browsing around on a comic site and found this

< -- and it completely reminded me of Hockey Night in Canada (Saturday night) at our house. During hockey season, every Satuarday night or afternoon my Dad would sit down in his rocker/recliner and 'watch' his game. Now, 'watch' is in quotes because after about 10 minutes into the game, my Dad would proceed to fall asleep. He would recline the rocker and snore so loudly you could hear him outside with the windows closed! AND every time, my sister and I, sometimes my Mom, would 'try' to change the channel only to wake him up in protest that he was 'watching that!' I sent my Dad this comic and a note reminding him of these times and he replied: He doesn't watch hockey anymore, now he goes fishing out with the boat! I'm sure, however, on Suday afternoons after church, he still falls asleep in his chair and complains if someone turns off the TV. It's his lullaby or his background noise.

Geesh, I wondered were I got that!

Memories ...

I was just reading over some of my older posts. There are so many things missing from my childhood. I haven’t been very good at keeping a consistent journal, so there are many gaps!

Here are a few entries for sparking:

- Young Women’s Summer Camp, June 1989. It the summer just after Mom passed away, we were camped just outside Waterton National Park, about 20 minutes away from Cardston. We hiked up the mountain. It was so beautiful up there, looking over the landscape of the Rocky Mountains. What I remember most was finding out I was afraid of heights and looking over the edge of the trail we were descending back down. It was a cliff face, straight and straight down with a path of about 6-7 feet wide. I was so sacred; I literally shook from head to toe, through and through. My emotions were not easily controllable, Mom had just died 2 months previously, and I froze and cried hysterically. The group stayed and said a prayer that I would be able to move and GET OFF that mountain. I remember feeling a calm come over me and opening my eyes and knowing I could move. I started to walk, slowly, and I went down the hill. There was the most amazing stream and little waterfall cascading over the rocks. It was so beautiful, like a little reward for believing. That picture is so clear in my mind as I remember this. GOD is so wonderful!

- Especially For Youth, Calgary July 1989 – Kristen Sorenson was our Leader and theme that year was “Forever My Friend”. Kenneth Cope spoke at our Testimony meeting and I still have the tape of that talk, it on the tape Mom left for me. I don’t remember tons of it. I remember being in the elevator with one of the counselors, he told us to jump while the elevator was moving and it gives you quite the jolt when it actually stops. I also remember talking to Kristen Sorenson, our floor leader, about Mom and everything that went along with that. The troubles I was having with Dad and not being able to understand my feelings of relief when Mom finally passed. I struggled with the relief feeling for many years. I missed her so much but I was so happy she wasn’t suffering anymore and that she was finally in Heaven and free. I remember Kristen making me feel alright for those feelings. I came away from EFY knowing I was going to be OK.

- Pioneer Trek, in the wilds between Cardston and Magrath, August 1987. Trek was HARD!!! Here is how Trek works -- over a Friday morning through a Monday afternoon – you dress up as pioneers in long dresses with aprons and bonnets, sturdy shoes, no make-up, no deodorant, you can’t bring anything that smells to keep the animals/bears away. You get ONE ‘bath’ – you wash your hair with Sunlight in the cold river water.

** On the first day, you are divided into families of a Ma and Pa and several children, we had 10 kids. Then, you travel until you get to your base camp, about 5miles, pushing a ‘Handcart’ in the Wilderness, which your family has just built. Now, a Handcart is a cart which consists of a four walled box on two spindled wheels with a cart wide 'handle' for pulling, it holds ALL of your family’s belongings. We were allowed to bring sleeping blankets (not a bag and no pillow), a Sunday Dressing outfit with shoes, a brush, tooth brush (without paste), Meal utensils, water canteen, scriptures, journal and pen, feminine products if needed, (heaven help you!), a roll of T.P., a camera and great attitude! On the first night, we slept under the stars at around midnight in the forest, wherever you could find a smooth spot to lay your very tired self down after downing some beef broth soup!

** When we woke up with the Sun on Saturday morning around 6:00am, we promptly discovered we had been sleeping on tree branches and very near cow pies. At this point we really couldn’t have cared any less; we still weren’t at our base camp! So we get up and have a measly breakfast and get back on Trek! The second day was harder, we were tired and sore and hungry. About half way through the morning, it started raining, Bless God for giving us a True experience! Then the worst happened, one by one the guys were picked off the handcart to symbolize them going off to war. This was aptly called “The Women’s Pull”, only the girls were allowed to push the carts, no matter how tired we were or strong we weren’t. This, of course, brought everyone to tears. And then there was the hill, a very steep hill, which the ‘women’ had to get the full Handcart up! This was the hardest thing I had ever done in my 14 years of life. It had just rained so the dirt was now clay mud, very thick and slippery, we were already dirty but now we were caked in muck! We pushed and yelled and cried and Thanked God when we made it to the top. He blessed us with a sunlit view of the mountains, including a rainbow. I think I finally understood a bit of what the pioneers went through, I knew I really didn’t know because they traveled from Missouri to Utah through snow and rain storms, they lost loved ones to sickness and mobs. I had a greater love for their sacrifice! Even now as I write this, my eyes are tearing, remembering. We finally made it to base camp around 11:00 am and set up camp, had lunch, played some games, washed our hair in the river, caught and killed a turkey for Sunday dinner, had supper and went to bed tired as logs!

** Sunday morning was awesome, we prepared the Turkey dinner, then we got ready in our Sunday dress and went to sacrament meeting in the afternoon, where we sang hymns and had an object lesson about being lost spiritually. In the lesson, all the kids were blind-folded and told to find their families. It was pretty awesome and then we were allowed to go off and find a quiet place to think, read, journal, anything centered on pondering. I remember Dad was there, but in another family, as a priesthood holder. He came and found me and we talked for a little while. I don’t remember about what though. After a few hours, our Ma’s and Pa’s came round to find us and bring us back for a testimony meeting. It was the most spiritual meeting I had been to in my 14 years and I cried the Whole time! After, we went back to our family camps and had dinner together and went to sleep.

** On Monday, the last day, we were allowed a little leisure time, I remember going back to my quiet place and journaling more. I have no idea where that journal is. Dad came to find again and said it was time to go and I didn’t want to leave this and go home, but I eventually did. When I got home, I remember sitting to the kitchen counter at our farm house and telling Mom all about it. Wow, that memory is so clear - I can see her face right Now! ♥ and I’m tearing again!


That needs to be it for now or I'm going to be crying at work!

Later,

Symbols Code Chart

This is a Chart of Symbols Code for Blogs.

A Change for the Better ...

So, lately, I’ve been feeling unsettled and a little anxious. I’m not entirely happy with myself and the image I see in the mirror, I think it is time to fix those impressions.

Here is my list, for every Negative there must be a Positive:

Negatives to Change -->

1. Eating habits
2. Sleeping habits
3. Attitude towards Social Activities
4. Attend Temple Once a Month
5. Save a Little Money
6. Blog More

Positives Productions -->

1. Gain much needed Energy
2. Gain time to study Book of Mormon
3. Gain Circle of Great Friends and Create Better Relationships
4. Gain Eternal Perspective
5. Emergency / Rainy Day Fund
6. Track my Progress and Get to KNOW Me!

So with all my goals, we will see how this goes.

I'm great at preparing goals, not so great at following through!

Good Luck to ME ♥

Favorite "Arrested Development" Quotes ...

Buster: "We're just blowing through naptime!"

Michael to Tobais: "There's gotta be a better way to say that. You really should record yourself one day."

G.O.B.: "I've made a huge mistake!"

Sand and Stone ...

Two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey, they had an argument; the one friend slapped the other in the face. The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything wrote in the sand: “Today my best friend slapped me in the face.”

They kept on walking until they found an oasis where they decided to take a bath, the one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and starting drowning, but the friend saved him! After he recovered form the near drowning, he wrote on a stone: “Today my best friend saved my life.”

The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, “After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand, and now you write on a stone, why?

“The friend replied, “When someone hurts us we should write it down in the sand, where winds of forgiveness can erase it away. But when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it.”

We must learn to our hurts in the sand and to carve our benefits in stone. -- Unknown

A Personality Test ...

Extroversion:
You have medium extroversion.You are not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party. Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences. However, you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time."

Conscientiousness:
You have high conscientiousness. Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life. Most things in your life are organized and planned well. However, you borderline on being a total perfectionist.

Agreeableness:
You have high agreeableness. You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly. Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone. You give people the benefit of the doubt and do not mind giving someone a second chance.

Neuroticism:
You have low neuroticism. You are very emotionally stable and mentally together. Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly. Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure.

Openness to Experience:
Your openness to new experiences is medium. You are generally broad minded when it come to new things. However, if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it. You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

Hallow's Eve '08

I went to a Halloween Dance/Activity on Friday night. I haven’t been to one in a few years and I actually dressed up!
My costume could be many things:
A Hollywood Starlet going to the Oscars,
What I would have worn to Prom if our school had one, OR
Cinderella.
What do you think?

It was a fun night. I went with my friends Annelise LeCheminant and Sandra Gierisch, met Lisa Rogers, also in the photo above. I saw friends I haven’t seen in many months, Ben, Lincoln, Kennrick and Kelly. I danced a little. It wasn’t like any of the dances I’ve been to before though. It was weird and slightly uncomfortable, but still fun. I played ‘Rock Band’ with Ben, Annelise, Sandra and Stephanie, which was more fun than I anticipated. I was pretty good for never having played before! It was a late night . . . home by 2:30am and in bed at 3:00am.

It took a little while to take my hair back down!
All in All it was fun! I really need to socialize more and get to know MORE people better. I want to always have something going on the weekend, I need to be more active!

Real Love ... Is Good!

For all of you that think you’re in love, keep this in mind:

What Is Real Love?

Real love is not just how you feel about your partner. It’s much more how your partner makes you feel about yourself.

Real love is not about losing yourself in your partner. It’s about becoming true to yourself with your partner.

Real love is not about how great your partner is. It’s about how great you can become along side your partner.

Real love is not just about how much you love your partner. It’s about how your partner helps you love yourself.

Real love is not just about your partner finding room in his or her heart for you. It’s about your partner finding room in his or her life for your energy, drive, ambition, passions, interests, and needs.

Real love is not just based on how good your partner is "deep down". It’s based on how much you actually experience your partner’s goodness as you live your life together.

Real love is not based on how your partner makes you hungry to be with him or her. It’s based on how much your partner makes you feel at home when you are with each other.

Real love is not about the love you say you share . It’s about the life you really do share, fully, equally, deeply.

Real love is about treating your partner the way you’d want to be treated.

Real love is about falling in like.

What My Name Means ....

You entered: Sherrilyn Bunnage

There are 16 letters in your name.
Those 16 letters total to 84.
There are 5 vowels and 11 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 3

The characteristics of #3 are: Expression, verbalization, socialization, the arts, the joy of living.

The expression or destiny for #3: An Expression of 3 produces a quest for destiny with words along a variety of lines that may include writing, speaking, singing, acting or teaching; our entertainers, writers, litigators, teachers, salesmen, and composers. You also have the destiny to sell yourself or sell just about any product that comes along.

You are imaginative in your presentation, and you may have creative talents in the arts, although these are more likely to be latent. You are an optimistic person that seems ever enthusiastic about life and living. You are friendly, loving and social, and people like you because you are charming and such a good conversationalist. Your ability to communicate may often inspire others. It is your role in life to inspire and motivate; to raise the spirits of those around you.

The negative side of number 3 Expression is superficiality. You may tend to scatter your forces and simply be too easygoing. It is advisable for the negative 3 to avoid dwelling on trivial matters, especially gossip.

Your Soul Urge number is: 5

A Soul Urge number of 5 means: The 5 soul urge or motivation would like to follow a life of freedom, excitement, adventure and unexpected happening. The idea of travel and freedom to roam intrigues you. You are very much the adventurer at heart. Not particularly concerned about your future or about getting ahead, you can seem superficial and unmotivated.

In a positive sense, the energies of the number 5 make you very adaptable and versatile. You have a natural resourcefulness and enthusiasm that may mark you as a progressive with a good mind and active imagination. You seem to have a natural inclination to be a pace-setter. You are attracted to the unusual and the fast paced.

You may be overly restless and impatient at times. You may dislike the routine work that you are engaged in, and tend to jump from activity to activity, without ever finishing anything. You may have difficulty with responsibility. You don't want to be tied down to a relationship, and it may be hard to commit to one person.

Your Inner Dream number is: 7

An Inner Dream number of 7 means: You dream of having the opportunity to read, study, and shut yourself off from worldly distractions. You can see yourself as a teacher, mystic, or ecclesiastic, spending your life in the pursuit of knowledge and learning.

What my Birthday Means ...

12 February 1973

Your date of conception was on or about 22 May 1972 which was a Monday.
You were born on a Monday under the astrological sign Aquarius.
Your Life path number is 7.

Your fortune cookie reads: Something you lost will soon turn up.
Life Path Compatibility:You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 1, 5 & 7.
You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 4 & 22.
You may or may not get along well with those with the Life Path number 9.
You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 3, 6, 8 & 11.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2441725.5.
The golden number for 1973 is 17.
The epact number for 1973 is 25.
The year 1973 was not a leap year.
Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 2/3/1973 and ending 1/22/1974.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Ox.
Your Native American Zodiac sign is Otter; your plant is Fern.

You were born in the Egyptian month of Parmuthy, the fourth month of the season of Poret (Emergence - Fertile soil).
Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 10 AdarI 5733.Or if you were born after sundown then the date is 11 AdarI 5733.
The Mayan Calendar long count date of your birthday is 12.17.19.10.1 which is12 baktun 17 katun 19 tun 10 uinal 1 kin
The Hijra (Islamic Calendar) date of your birth is Monday, 9 Muharram 1393 (1393-1-9).
The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 22 April 1973.
The date of Orthodox Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 29 April 1973.
The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 7 March 1973.
The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 10 June 1973.
The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 17 June 1973.
The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Thursday, 27 September 1973.
The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Tuesday, 17 April 1973.
The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 6 March 1973.

As of 10/24/2008 5:00:33 PM EDT --
You are 35 years old.
You are 428 months old.
You are 1,862 weeks old.
You are 13,038 days old.
You are 312,929 hours old.
You are 18,775,740 minutes old.
You are 1,126,544,433 seconds old.

Celebrities who share your birthday:
Christina Ricci (1980)
Naseem Hamed (1974)
Arsenio Hall (1955)
Joanna Kerns (1953)
Steve Hackett (1950)
Ray Manzarek (1939)
Judy Blume (1938)
Bill Russell (1934)
Joe Garagiola (1926)
Franco Zeffirelli (1923)
Dom DiMaggio (1917)
Lorne Greene (1915)
Ted Mack (1904)
Charles Darwin (1809)
Abraham Lincoln (1809)

Top songs of 1973
Killing Me Softly with His Song by Roberta Flack
Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Old Oak Tree by Dawn
My Love by Paul McCartney & Wings
You're So Vain by Carly Simon
Crocodile Rock by Elton John
Let's Get It On by Marvin Gaye
Keep On Truckin' by Eddie Kendricks
Bad, Bad Leroy Brown by Jim Croce
Top of the World by Carpenters
Midnight Train to Georgia by Gladys Knight & the Pips

Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 5.10293542074364 years old. (You're still chasing cats!)
Your lucky day is Saturday.
Your lucky number is 4 & 8.
Your ruling planet(s) is Saturn & Uranus.
Your lucky dates are 1st, 10th, 19th, 28th.
Your opposition sign is Leo.
Your opposition number(s) is 1.
Today is one of your lucky days!

There are 111 days till your next birthdayon which your cake will have 36 candles.
Those 36 candles produce 36 BTUs,or 9,072 calories of heat (that's only 9.0720 food Calories!) .
You can boil 4.11 US ounces of water with that many candles.
In 1973 there were approximately 3.7 million births in the US.
In 1973 the US population was approximately 203,302,031 people, 57.4 persons per square mile.
In 1973 in the US there were approximately 2,158,802 marriages (10.6%) and 708,000 divorces (3.5%).
In 1973 in the US there were approximately 1,921,000 deaths (9.5 per 1000).
In the US a new person is born approximately every 8 seconds.
In the US one person dies approximately every 12 seconds.
In 1973 the population of Australia was approximately 13,614,344.
In 1973 there were approximately 247,670 births in Australia.
In 1973 in Australia there were approximately 112,700 marriages and 16,195 divorces.
In 1973 in Australia there were approximately 110,822 deaths.

Your birthstone is Amethyst.
The Mystical properties of Amethyst: Amethyst is used to increase spiritually Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone: Bloodstone, Onyx, Moonstone
Your birth tree is Cedar, the Confidence, of rare beauty, knows how to adapt, likes luxury, of good health not in the least shy, tends to look down on others, self-confident, determined, impatient, wants to impress others, many talents, industrious, healthy, optimism, waiting for the one true love, able to make quick decisions.

There are 62 days till Christmas 2008!
There are 75 days till Orthodox Christmas!
The moon's phase on the day you were born was waxing gibbous.

So much for .... updating often!

I've been so crazy busy that I have absolutely neglected this poor blog.

Here are some simple updates:

Started new contract job: LTK Enginerring as a Contracts Administrator.

Geting new Roommate: Tara Friis.

Becoming MORE social: I'm going out tonight to a friend's acoustic show.

Temple: I finally bought my packet and I'm exicted to use it ... often!

Life in General: I AM HAPPY!!!!! - I don't think I've ever really been able to say that! and it feels GREAT!!

Here's the thing - I haven't really changed anything. True, I have some new people on the friend list, but it's like things are going in a nice happy path and I LOVE it! I have nothing to complain about and maybe the fact that I'm NOT complaining and keeping a positive attitude, is why I feel so Great.

It's so nice to feel hapy, I hope I don't lose this feeling!

My Goals for This Year ....

-- Have more patience and tolerance for others and understand that they will make they're own decisions no matter what I want them to do!!

-- Make a promise to myself to only take on my problems and concerns and let others take care of their own!!

-- Go to the Temple at least every two months!!

-- Read my Scriptures regularly and have conversations with Heavenly Father!!

-- Just generally be more understanding!!

-- Pay my tithing every month and receive those blessings!!

-- Eat HEALTHY Every Day, workout regularly and loose the extra pounds!!

-- Journal at least once a week, even if nothing has happened!!



This list may be added to but not minimized!

The Healing Power of Forgiveness ....

I gave a talk yesterday in church and it went really well. It was a really great meeting, Joeseph spoke about setting goals for the New Year and it went pretty well with mine.
Here it is:

Hymn # 120

“Lean on my ample arm, O thou depressed!
And I will bid the storm cease in the breast.
Whatever thy lot may be, on life’s complaining sea,
If thou wilt come to me, Thou shalt have rest.

Lift up thy tearful eyes, sad heart, to me;
I am the sacrifice offered for thee.
In me thy pain shall cease, in me is thy release,
In me thou shalt have peace eternally.”

I was considering these words as I was preparing this talk. Have you ever thought about what these statements are really saying? Jesus is inviting us to call on him in our storms and lay our burdens on him, all of them. To paraphrase: I have it pretty easy, why don’t you let me take your load for you, your hurt & your heartache, so you can rest.

What an amazing offer, yet so few of us actually take him up on this offer completely. Why not? The Lord tells us to do all we can, then bring the rest to Him and let Him finish it. Why is this so hard? To give away our hurt, our sorrow, our sin. I’ve had a very hard time with this all my life. It’s felt as if my stuff too much for him to bear. I can’t, so how could he? I’ve come to realize in the last few years, that Satan loves me miserable and sad and lonely and depressed. He especially loves it when I harbor ill will and resentment towards those who have made decisions which hurt me. He loves to make me think I can’t win and that I can’t move on and let it go. He loves making me think the world and everyone in it is out to get me. Well, no more, I cannot and will not let him control my life and how I live it. I’m not happy when I do and I want to be happy.

I want to live my life in a way so Heavenly Father will be proud of me and part of this is letting his son, Jesus Christ, do his part, and fulfill what he has already done. He is my brother and he wants nothing more than to help me get through my trials and hardships and help me absolve my sins with the Father. He was pained in Gethsemane for all of us, for the feelings of sorrow, pain and guilt we feel when we sin; but he also took upon himself all our sadness, and painful afflictions. He took this burden upon himself and died for us. He gave up himself as the ultimate sacrifice for us to take advantage of. It was not just to show everyone he could do it, but for us to understand how much He and our Heavenly family love us.

I recently sang in Michael McLean’s Forgotten Carols. In this musical fireside / play there is a song called Handel’s dream. The song is about George Frederic Handel as a young spirit, we were all in Heaven awaiting the Savior’s birth and a choir was being put together. The first time I heard this song, I found myself wondering if I was in that choir singing of the heavenly birth of my Brother. As I was writing this talk, I was struck by a new thought. When he was here on earth during his ministry, did I watch him in Gethsemane? Did I understand his suffering in the garden and dying on the cross, did I know what it meant? I know I did. I don’t know if I realized how much I would depend on this sacrifice but I knew of its importance. We all did and we felt the gratitude for him. We rejoiced and thanked him when he returned to us before the resurrection.

I often find myself wondering how it was for our Heavenly Mother in that time. We know from scriptures that Heavenly Father couldn’t bear to watch his Son die on the cross to the point of him creating such a dark storm as the earth had never experienced before. How she must have embraced him in those eternal moments before he left her side once again to fulfill the resurrection. I imagine such beautiful pride in her eyes knowing what it all meant and how it would create a way for all of her children to return to her. We always concentrate on Heavenly Father, not that we shouldn’t, but having lost my own mother when I was young, I find I think of her more often. Even though we don’t know much about her, I imagine the warmth we feel when we are encircled by love and forgiveness; it is mostly her arms around us. Why wouldn’t you want to do all you can so you can return back to such love?

We need to learn how to develop the pure love they have for us and our fellow brothers and sisters here on earth. We must learn how to extinguish hate, anger and the resentment we feel for our brother and sisters and mostly for ourselves. We need to realize we are not perfect, yet. It’s why we are here, to learn by his wonderful example how to be perfect. We need to let Him mold and shape us. We need to give up control to him and let him lead us.

How do we do this? By living as Christ would. We all know this seems so easy, but it can be very difficult to let things go and let Heavenly Father deal the judgments. There are those who He has chosen to help us in the matter and ordained them as such when we sin. I have come to realize that I don’t want the responsibility of laying down judgments. How can I judge others when I am no more perfect than they are. How I can possibly justify this? I can’t, plain and simple, I can’t.

So how do we let it go and allow the Lord to do his part when it feels and seems like it isn’t being resolved? Well, this is where that eternal perspective comes in. The Lord does things in his own due time and it is up to us to leave him to it. I know this a hard concept, but think for a moment how much energy and time we waste on harboring these feelings of guilt and sadness. Hate takes a lot more energy than love. How do these negative thoughts make you feel? For me, it’s as if I can’t breathe, I can’t think straight, I can’t feel the love Heavenly Fathers has for me because there is no room. It’s as of my spirit is suffocating, my light is flickering low and Satan is laughing with his hands up in triumph because he thinks he’s finally got me.

Do you ever feel that way? We must learn to recognize this and fight back. We cannot allow him to have us - we are not his. It is the easiest way Satan has to get us under his hold. He feeds off these feelings, he lengthens our sorrow for our sins by convincing us we aren’t worthy of forgiveness by the Lord or our brothers and sisters. He picks on our inadequacies and fuels our bitterness. He tells us to wait. Wait for the opportunity to forgive and then give it. This is not the way to happiness, Christ did not wait. This method will only keep you miserable and sad and angry and spiteful, just like Him, Satan, who was cast out of the sight of God because of his wickedness. Don’t fall prey to him, don’t let him have you even for a moment. He will latch on and hold you down and suffocate your spirit and take you to his darkness of despair.

Forgiveness is the key. We must get down on our knees and ask with a humble heart for the Lord’s forgiveness and help to overcome these feelings. Let him Heal You! Let the Atonement envelope you! Let his love be your air! Let it surround you and be joyful in its redeeming quality. God so loved us that he sent his Son to die for us and all we need to do is believe in his power. Call upon him in humble prayer and ask him earnestly. We must keep believing in him every day, our trials and hardships don’t go away and neither does he. These are eternal and continual truths, they have been since Adam and they will continue on long after we are gone for the future generations.

It is our responsibility not only to learn but to teach by example to those around us and in our care. We must do our part and forgive others, even if we have not been forgiven yet. It is so important to our eternal progression to forgive. We are not only here for our own eternal salvation but to help our brothers and sisters. We serve those who we love easily, but do you serve those who don’t treat you with love in their hearts? This is not an easy task, but if we serve those who have harmed or hurt us, we will find a new kind of love. It is the Pure love of Christ. Christ loved those who mocked him, spit on him, persecuted him, hit him, crowned him with thorns, and hung him on a cross. He forgave these people and asked Heavenly Father to forgive them. He is our ultimate example of how to live.

A few years ago, a friend gave me a bracelet which said “What Would Jesus Do?” Even though I don’t have that reminder anymore, it is still in my mind. Now, I don’t always listen to the answer, but when I do, I feel the love of my Savior and I know what to do and how to react to hard situations.

This life is in constant motion and the saying is true – “What goes around, comes around”. If we do what Jesus would, eventually we will receive that love back. If we follow this principle, life will be easier. This doesn’t mean our trials will go away, but our eternal vision will become clearer and we might even understand why we need to learn the principle before it’s over. It’s easy to have that Ahaa! moment after the trial, but wouldn’t it be nice to get it in the middle. If we see our trials as the Lord does, as learning experiences, we will not only learn more but it might also stick better.

“Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest … For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” Matt. 11:28, 30.

This talk was about the Healing Power of Forgiveness. I hope I’ve said some things to enlighten you, maybe a different twist on an timeless concept. We all know forgiveness heals our spirits and allows us to be closer to our Heavenly Father. I think sometimes we allow our human parts complicated things which are simple. Be as Jesus Christ is, think like him, talk like him and act like him. I know the Lord lives and loves me; and all of you. He wants so much for us to be with him again, that he showed us the path and gave his only begotten Son. Live through the Atonement and show your gratitude for his sacrifice. Let him Heal you. Let Jesus be your advocate with Heavenly Father when you falter. I love my Savior and appreciate his sacrifice for me and hope I can make him proud of me.

-- Now if I can just really remember My own words and do as I'm instructing other to do!!

Weekly Appreciations ...

i love the smell of: pecan pie. I bought scented candled and that sweet goodness radiates through my apartment. It’s wonderful and reminds me of home!

i love the sound of: my heater coming on. It’s getting colder here in LA at night and having it come on in the morning is just wonderful!

i love the taste of: hot chocolate. A warm cup of cocoa just screams winter and makes me so happy I’m not in the Great White North this year!

i love the feel of: a new haircut. You know that feeling of freshly cut, clean hair. The way it slides through you figures – I really love that!

i love the sight of: clear blue sky. In Canada in the winter it means a really cold day. Here in LA -- it just means a sunny, beautiful, clear day.

Simple Stretches You Can Do at Your Desk for Increased Energy

If you ever experience an afternoon slump, there is an easy way to revive your energy. Follow this simple stretching series and you'll feel like a completely new person. Why does this work?

There are 3 reasons. Stretching causes you to breathe deeply bringing oxygen to your brain, in effect waking you up. Secondly, stretching releases the physical form of stress that is stored in your muscles. Storing that tension takes constant work by your muscles. Relieving that work frees up energy. Lastly, stretching helps your body remove toxins from your tissues. When you breathe deeply and move your body your lymph system is activated, cleansing the body of pollutants. The end result, You feel great!

Stretching Tips to Keep in Mind

On each step in the series remember to:
· Breathe deeply and slowly.
· Stretch to the point of feeling a "release," but not to the point of feeling pain.
· Hold each stretch for 10-30 seconds, or more if it feels good.
· Go slow and be gentle. Over time you'll actually feel greater benefits every day.
· If someone laughs, invite them to join you!!

Office Stretching Series

1. Touch the Sky. Reach your arms up to the sky and as far back as you can safely go. You can try grasping like you're trying to reach the stars.

2. Side Stretch. While standing reach your one arm over head and to the opposite side. You can keep the other hand on your hip or in the air.

3. Touch Your Toes. Take off your shoes if you can. Wiggle your toes. Now bend at the hip and reach for your toes. Bending your knees is OK.

4. Shoulder Opener. Lean your palms against the wall above your head and bending at the hip to stretch out your shoulders and back.

5. Twirl 'Em. Make circles with your wrists and ankles. Rotate in both directions. Also with each hand alternate making fists and opening your hand wide. Do this back and forth a few times. If you work at a keyboard, you'll be love how this feels!

6. Loosen Your Neck. Go slow and gentle with neck stretching. Slowly stretch forward and back, side to side, round in circles, and twist to look over each shoulder. Remember slow and gentle. Only do what feels good.

7. Arm Stretch. Straighten one arm out in front of you. Now with the other arm pull the straight arm toward your opposite shoulder. Go slowly. If you use a computer mouse a lot during the day, this should feel really good. Keep your hands open wide to make this even better.

8. Arm Circles. While standing rotate each arm around in big circles both forward and backward. Do one arm at a time. Do this slowly.

9. Seated Twist. First sit up straight. Twist in your chair keeping your hips stationary. Twist all the way from lower back all the way up to your head looking over your shoulder.

10. Quad Stretch and Balance. Stand on one leg and stretch out your quadricep muscle by bending your knee and pulling your foot to your buttocks. If you'd like to advance this a bit, bend at the hip to touch your toes while doing this.

11. Hip Opener. Sitting in your chair cross one leg over the other so that ankle rests just above the knee. While doing this lean forward to feel a nice stretch in your hip and buttocks. Over time this one exercise can help with lower back problems and sciatica. It's pretty amazing. Repeat with the other leg.

12. Seated Back Bend. Sitting in your chair you can do this a few different ways. Each of these will give a nice stretch to your stomach and chest muscles:
· Sitting on the edge of your chair with arms in the air, simply reach up and back.
· Sitting on the edge, clasp your hands behind your back with arms pointing down. Roll your shoulders in towards each other in the back and lean your head back.
· If you have a lean back chair, lift your arms in the air and lean back for a nice stretch.

Pete Wentz Wisdom ...

"I'm exploding ... just too slowly for anyone to take notice." Wednesday, Nov. 7/07

Ideas for a Great & Creative Life ...

Here are some ideas of things to do and be creative ...
1. Go for a walk. Draw or list things you find on the the sidewalk.
2. Write a letter to yourself in the future.
3. Buy something inexpensive as a symbol for your need to create, (new pen, a tea cup, journal). Use it everyday.
4. Draw your dinner.
5. Find a piece of poetry you respond to. Rewrite it and glue it into your journal.
6. Glue an envelope into your journal. For one week collect items you find on the street.
7. Expose yourself to a new artist, (go to a gallery, or in a book.) Write about what moves you about their work.
8. Find a photo of a person you do not know. Write a brief bio about them.
9. Pick a color and spend a day drawing things that are only that color.
10. Draw your bike.
11. Make a list of everything you buy in the next week.
12. Make a map of everywhere you went in one day.
13. Draw a map of the creases on your hand, (knuckles, palm)
14. Trace your footsteps with chalk.
15. Record an overheard conversation.
16. Trace the path of the moon in relation to where you live.
17. Go to a paint store. Collect 'chips' of all your favorite colors. Create an inspiration board.
18. Draw your favorite tree.
19. Take 15 minutes to eat an orange.
20. Write a haiku.
21. Hang upside down for five minutes.
22. Hang found objects from tree branches.
23. Make a puppet.
24. Create an outdoor room from things you find in nature.
25. Read a book in one day.
26. Illustrate your grocery list.
27. Read a story out loud to a friend.
28. Write a letter to someone you admire.
29. Study the face of someone you do not like.
30. Make a meal based on a color theme. (i.e. all white).
31. Create a museum of very small things.
32. List the smells in your neighborhood.
33. List 100 uses for a tin can.
34. Fill an entire page in your journal with small circles. Color them in.
35. Give away something you love.
36. Choose an object, draw the side you can't see.
37. List all of the places you've ever lived.
38. Describe your favorite room in detail.
39. Write about your relationship with your washing machine.
40. Draw all of the things in your purse/bag.
41. Make a mini book based on the theme, "my grocery list".
42. Create a character based on someone you know. Write a list of personality traits.
43. Recall your favorite childhood game.
44. Put postcards of art pieces/painting on the inside of your kitchen cupboard doors, so you can see them everyday (but not become deaf to them.)
45. Draw the same object every day for a week.
46. Write in your journal using a different medium (brush & ink, charcoal, old typewriter, crayons, fat markers.
47. Draw the individual items of your favorite outfit.
48. Make a useful item using only paper & tape.
49. Research a celebration or ritual from another culture.
50. Do a temporary art installation using a pad of post it notes & a pen.
51. Draw a map of your favorite sitting spots in your town/city. (photocopy it and give it to someone you like.)
52. Record all of the sounds you hear in the course of one hours.
53. Using a grid, collect various textures from magazine and play them off of each other.
54. Cut out all media for one day. Write about the effects.
55. Make a pencil rubbing of six different surfaces.
56. Draw your garbage.
57. Do a morning collage.
58. List your ten most important things, (not including animals or people.)
59. List ten things you would like to do every day.
60. Glue a photo of yourself as a child into your journal.
61. Transform some garbage.
62. Write an entry in your journal in really LARGE letters.
63. Collect some 'flat' things in nature (leaves, flowers). Glue or tape them into your journal.
64. Physically alter a page. (i.e. cut a hole, pour tea on it, burn it, fold it, etc.)
65. Find several color combinations you respond to in public. Document them using swatches, write where you found them.
66. Write a journal entry describing something "secret". Cut it up into several pieces and glue them back in scrambled.
67. Record descriptions or definitions of subjects or words you are interested in, found in encyclopedias or dictionaries.
68. Draw the outline of an object without looking at the page. (contour drawing).
69. What were you thinking just now? write it down.
70. Do nothing.
71. Write a list of ten things you could to do. Do the last thing on the list.
72. Create an image using dots.
73. Do 3 drawings at different speeds.
74. Put a small object in your left pocket (or in a bag), Put your left hand in the pocket. Draw it by feel. 75. Create a graph documenting or measuring something in your life.
76. Draw the sun.
77. Create instructions for a simple everyday task.
78. Make prints using food. (fruit and vegetables cut in half, fish, etc.)
79. Find a photo. Alter it by drawing over it.
80. Write a letter using an unconventional medium.
81. Draw one object for twenty minutes.
82. Combine two activities that have not been combined before.
83. Write about your day in an encyclopedic fashion. (i.e. organize by subject.)
84. Write a list of all the things you do to escape.
85. Cut a random shape out of several layers of a magazine. Make a collage out of the results.
86. Write an entry in code.
87. Make a painting using tools from the bathroom.
88. Work with a medium that is subtractive.
89. Write about or draw some of the doors in your life.
90. Make a postcard that has some kind of activity on it.
91. Create a journal entry using "layers".
92. Create an entry using "layers".
93. Write your own definition of one of the following concepts, sitting, waiting, sleeping (without using the actual word.)
94. List 10 of your habits.
95. Illustrate the concept of "simplicity".
These are things I am going to try to incorporate into my life.

Right this Second ...

I’m Excited about: starting school in January
My Eyes are: unfocused, because I’m tired
I’m Hoping: to understand math in general
I’m Wearing: Dark Grey & Black stripes and black pants
I Taste: my new teeth aligners
I’m a little Sad because: I miss my family

Interesting Facts About Me ...

4 places I’ve lived:
01. Provo, Utah, USA
02. Stirling, Alberta, Canada
03. Calgary, Alberta, Canada
04. Los Angeles, California, USA

4 jobs I’ve had:
01. Shoe Sales Girl
02. Home Décor Representative
03. Administrative Assistant for Several Companies
04. Daughter, Sister, Wife, Mother and Divorcee

4 favorite desserts:
01. Pecan Pie
02. Coconut Sorbet
03. Chocolate Fudge Brownie with Chocolate Ice Cream and a Cherry
04. Apple Crisp with Whipped Cream

4 favorite TV shows:
01. The Office
02. Criminal Minds
03. Veronica Mars
04. Private Practice

4 interesting facts about me:
01. I am secretly terrified to sing on a stage in front of people and will never sing my own songs.
02. When I was young I broke my forehead open twice, a year apart and in the same place. I am pure talent!
03. I love being alone most of the time. I don’t really miss the companionship of others, although, I do miss having a warm body to cuddle with sometimes.
04. I have never voted in either Canada or the United States and don’t plan to.

That’s me in a nutshell !!

Weekly Appreciations ...

i love the smell of: white lilies. They are so fragrant and sweet. I like sweet smelling flowers, nothing overly strong – just nice and subtle. I love white flowers, they remind me of purity.

i love the sound of: simple songs. Just a boy, a guitar and his heart on the strings. It’s absolutely sweet hearing a boy pour out his heart and soul in songs. It inspires me to write my own down.

i love the taste of: cane sugar Root Beer. I love root beer in general, but some makers put way too much fizz in their mix. I found this new brew made by Boylan and it’s wonderful!

i love the feel of: my down comforter. It’s getting colder now, so I pulled out my down comforter last night to put on my bed. I love y bed in general, but with that on it, it’s just heavenly.

i love the sight of: a downpour rain storm. Lately, we have had a few rain storms at night. I love watching the rain. It’s so cleansing and powerful. I love sheeting rain – like when the wind is blowing just enough to put a slant on the pouring. I also love the sound and smell of rain.

Weekly Appreciations ...

i love the smell of: showering. I love showering in the morning, I love smelling clean and being clean. I know some people who don’t shower every morning and I can’t understand how they do it. A really great shower wakes me up and just starts my day off better!

i love the sound of: Parker Case. He is a multi-talented musician who I have been listening to for 5 years. He plays in Say Anything right now, but also has his own project called i and the universe. I first heard him in 2003 when he was part of JamisonParker. He plays the drums, guitar, bass, piano, sings and writes lyrics and music. He is truly multi-talented and I am jealous of his talents.

i love the taste of: Dr. Pepper. I don’t know what is in that stuff, but I love it. It’s probably ALL the Caffeine.

i love the feel of: a great hug given by a guy who cares about me. There’s something about having arms wrapped around you that belong to a guy who cares about you. It doesn’t matter if it’s romantic or not, as long as he truly cares about me.

i love the sight of: old married couples who still hold hands. I want a love that will last forever and this sight gives me hope that I will find it someday.

An Interview with Me!!

my name: Sherrilyn (Rylinn) Bunnage Carmichael
four words: Awesome! Musical! Organized! Intelligent!
state/city: Los Angeles, CA
favorite boy name: Riley David
favorite girl name: Kyra Janae
occupation: Administrative Assistant
something found in your kitchen: Cleaning Supplies
something you shout: Awesome!
something you look for in a guy: Honesty and Loyalty
something that is in your room: Yummy Smelling Candles
place to shop at: Restoration Hardware
name a band/artist: i and the universe / Parker Case

Right This Second –
I’m excited about: going home for the day
My Eyes are: are tired
I’m hoping: to get some sleep
I’m wearing: black and dark gray stripes
I taste: coconut and chocolate
I’m a little sad because: I’m still at work!

Weekly Appreciations ...

i love the smell of: fresh brewed coffee. Even though I don't drink it, I really love the scent, especially when it's flavored with Vanilla!

i love the sound of: acoustic guitar. There is something very soothing about the deep "hum" of acoustic guitar strings. I am learning to play and even my uneven and smashed up chords are somehow soothing and calming to me. I find I am NOT getting frustrated with it like I sometimes do!

i love the taste of: fresh bread with butter, real butter! I miss my dad's fresh bread from the bread maker. I also miss his waffles, he makes them so good! He serves them with chokecherry syrup, which he makes himself, and it is so good!!

i love the feel of: my bed after I've washed and changed the sheets. I have this feather bed under my sheets which makes me sink down into it.

** I know this is new, but I'm going to try to do this once a week/month so I remember all the good things which surround me!

A Future FULL of Possibilities and Promise ...

This was my Horoscope today …

“If you spend too much time thinking about your past mistakes, how can you focus on moving forward?Today, you need to put the boxing gloves away – because it’s time for you to stop beating yourself up!

No one remembers the things you did or didn’t do, so why on earth should you? Its one thing to learn lessons from errors you’ve made, but it is quite another to continually punish yourself. This is a fresh day, full of possibility and promise. Don’t waste it feeling regret.”

* * * * *The funny thing is, this morning before I read this, I was going over in my head all of my past mistakes and bad choices. I was considering the repercussions and consequences of those bad choices and mistakes. I just can’t seem to let them go, I continually let them decide how I go about my day/life. I still own ALL of them, even the ones which weren’t my choice. I’m having a hard time learning the lesson, sticking to it and letting go.

I want so badly to move on and let them go. I know they are the reason I am who I am, but do they need to completely define me and all my future decisions?

This is a fresh day, full of possibility and promise. Don't waste it feeling regret. How do I accomplish this major life altering task? Harder than it sounds!

Today, I will try harder to think about ‘how’ I make decisions and ‘how’ the consequences of those decisions will effect my future days/month/years.

I will let go and move on looking forward to my bright, clean future.

Good Luck to Me!!

This is Just Too Precious and So True .... How To Drive in L.A.

You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is L. A.

The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On the 105 or 110, your speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less is considered "Wussy."

Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. L. A. has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, in Malibu , SUV-driving, cellphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.
Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.

Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of L. A. and Orange counties. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.

Mapquest does not work here -- none of the roads are where they say they are or go where they say they do and all the freeway off and on ramps are moved each night.

If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."

If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55- 65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.

Do not try to estimate travel time -- just leave Monday afternoon for Tuesday appointments, by noon Thursday for Friday and right after church on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.

And finally, why is the L.A. Freeway called the '405'? Because no matter where you are going, it takes 4 or 5 hours to get there.

A Too True Assessment ...

Your Enneagram core type is POINT 8 - THE BOSS OR PROTECTOR
Early in life, Protectors learned to become strong and powerful by hiding their vulnerability.

They developed a toughness and forcefulness that allowed them to rely on their own instincts.

Control and dominance of their personal space, protecting the weak and innocent, and gaining respect by being strong are among the 8's highest values. People of this type appear armored, easy to anger, and confrontational at the slightest provocation. They are unaware of their intensity, tuning instead to their core friendliness, generosity and ability to energize others. 8's are great leaders, as long as you're on their side!

Strengths: Courageous, decisive, strong-willed, protective, loyal, powerful, action-oriented, assertive, fair, intuitive, energetic.

Challenges: Belligerent, blaming, defiant, bullying, impulsive, dictatorial when crossed, easy to anger, tendency to overindulge in food, drugs, etc.

Other types to consider: Your wings - Type 7 and Type 9 Your stress type - Type 5 Your security type - Type 2 Look-alike types - Type 1, Type 4, and Type 6

Finding your "center" is a first step toward understanding your Enneagram type.
The 9 personalities of the Enneagram are arranged within three triads or centers: the Feeling triad; the Thinking triad; and the Instinctive or Gut triad. Each triad contains three personality types that reflect the assets and liabilities of their triad, e.g., type 2 has particular strengths and weaknesses involving its feelings, hence its location in the Feeling triad. The 5's assets and liabilities involve thinking, which is why it's located in the Thinking triad…and so on for each of the types.

The elegance of this arrangement results from a kind of dialectic containing a thesis, antithesis and synthesis of the theme of each triad, so that one of the types over expresses the core attribute of the triad; one under expresses it; and the third is most out of touch with that aspect.
Because 8's are gut-based, they act from instinct, and tend to over-express anger. Forceful and aggressive by nature, they are extroverts who tend toward too much, too loud, too many.

Transformation of these aggressive tendencies occurs when 8's delay expressing their feelings (especially anger) so they can tune into their vulnerability. By acknowledging their intensity and its impact on others, they can gradually learn to moderate it. With greater calm, the 8's deeper feelings of tenderness can finally surface.

Take action: Watch out for unrealistic expectations of yourself and others. Work at validating, appreciating and recognizing other people's efforts. Notice your tendency to fight against dependency needs by controlling, manipulating, blaming, or maintaining a one-up position.

Instead, allow yourself to feel vulnerable and uncertain occasionally, just as we all do. Practice delaying spontaneous expressions of anger. In the gap, work on listening to other people's feelings and needs. Exchange control and dominance of your space and your relationships by negotiating clear boundaries that allow a win-win result. But watch for your urge to break rules or violate those boundaries as soon as they are made. Realize that sparring or arguing may turn you on, but it gets misinterpreted by non-8's in your life. You may need to teach those close to you to hold their ground and speak their truths when confronted by you.

Beware of excesses in your lifestyle and workstyle that can lead to exhaustion and alienation from others.

What a Crazy Dream ...

I have to write this down, it really freaked me out. It was really weird. It was a sensation like I couldn't wake up. I felt like I was conscious but wasn’t. I thought I could here my roommate Stacey saying things – “She’s having a seizure or something, she’s thrashing and won’t wake up.” "I can't get in, the door is locked."I could feel my arms moving and hitting the wall and I was kicking and trying to yell out Help! But I wasn’t making any noise, my mouth wouldn’t open and let out the sound though and my arms weren’t actually moving, it just felt like they were.

Somehow my door was locked or something because she said she couldn’t get in. I kept telling myself to “just wake up”, “just open your eyes”. I couldn’t though, it was like my brain was wide awake but my body couldn’t respond. It almost felt like what it would be like to be in a coma. When I did finally wake up, I woke up really slow. I didn’t believe I was awake. I woke up thinking about the dream and realizing that’s what it was because when the memory flooded my mind I had been in a bunk on a bus, a really small space. I laid there for a few minutes trying to get my bearings, I didn’t want to go back to sleep.

Now that I think about it, I have these claustrophobic dreams quite often; I just don’t always remember them. I have this one that is a recurring. I am in a room that is filled to capacity with either people or pillows or something I can’t tell what it is. I’m at the opposite end of the room from where the door is and I can’t get to the door. I try to move and I’m stuck in my place because I am crammed in so tightly, I can’t move. I get really high anxiety and really scared. Then I wake up, having never gotten to the door.

This is why I have never been to a concert and in movie theaters, I always sit at the very top. So I can see the door and the easiest exit route.

I just needed to write that ^^ down!
Wow! I really am crazy!

Truth is Not Your Forte

I’ve heard it all before, the lies that seem so true
You let me believe you, you made it so easy.
Your tender caress, your loving touch
Then you stopped, dead.
You stopped lying and talking altogether.

I shared my stories and my heartache,
You listened but never returned your own.
Oh, you had lots to say about my condition,
Never anything worth the breath it took to say.

I should have known then that you were fake.
It was only a few days but to me
It was a lifetime opened in to an abyss.

You tried so hard to be physical
Always used your hands not your words
While I poured out my heart, maybe to easy,
Your eyes were so kind and seemed so interested
Were you really or was that untrue too?

I should have known then that you were fake.
It was only a few days but to me ,
It was a lifetime opened in to an abyss.

I heard from friends that you are who you convinced me you weren’t
It’s funny, I don’t feel so stupid anymore,
It seems this is what you do, this lying for the fun,
I just wish I hadn't been fooled.

I should have known then that you were fake.
It was only a few days but to me
It was a lifetime opened in to an abyss.

Fake should be your middle name,
what’s even more fitting
Is how it rhymes with the one you were given.

Amy Lee says it best .....

Don't Try to Fix Me, I'm Not Broken!

I couldn't say it any simpler.